Published in partnership with MnFIRE partner, Optum

It’s important to check on your friends and family members who seem OK or even appear physically and emotionally strong, including the firefighters in your life. In many cases, it’s easy to recognize when a friend is going through a tough time — maybe they recently broke up with a longtime partner, lost a job or have been battling a health concern. But in other cases, it’s not so clear when someone we care about needs emotional support.

Recognizing emotional distress

Many people live with situational or chronic depression and anxiety, among other mental health conditions. Most go untreated for a variety of reasons, including not realizing they need help, fearing unfavorable judgement or treatment, or simply seeing help as a sign of weakness. In many cases, there may be signs you can notice, such as:

• Changes in behavior, like withdrawing from or avoiding family and friends or activities they like, sleeping more, being less productive, increased use of alcohol and other substances or decreased sex drive.
• Changes in appearance, such as skipping bathing and grooming, looking tired or sad, noting physical pain, or gaining or losing a lot of weight.
• Changes in mood, like worrying and stressing out more, overreacting to situations, getting agitated, aggressive or angry or feeling sad and hopeless or showing no emotion.
• Changes in communication, such as posting dark or cryptic social media messages, criticizing themselves often, talking about physical pain or not feeling well or talking about hurting themselves.

However, some people who are in emotional pain don’t show any outward signs or symptoms. They may even appear high-achieving, cheerful, carefree and productive. If emotional distress isn’t addressed, an individual’s symptoms could worsen and eventually seriously impact their overall health and well-being, quality of life and life itself. Among other complications, untreated emotional distress can lead to:

• Depression, anxiety disorders and other mental illnesses
• Alcohol and substance use
• Physical health problems, such as weakened immune system and heart disease
• Self-harm and suicide

Feeling connected to others and having a sense of belonging are important ingredients for mental health and well-being. While you can’t make anyone share or fix their situation, showing genuine care and concern can make a difference in the moment and over their long-term recovery. If nothing else, they’ll know you care, which can provide comfort.

Tips for checking in

Commit to doing it: You may feel like you’re prying, overstepping or overreacting, or that your friend would come to you if they needed help. But you’re not, and they might not. All you can do is ask and be ready to show support.

Use a method that suits your friend: For some people, it’s easier to have a meaningful conversation in person, whereas others are more likely to open up over the phone, via email or through text. Choose the one that seems best for your loved one. If you’re unsure, ask.

Find a good time: Depending on the situation, they may have more or less free time or willingness to get together. Work around it. Ask them a good time to catch up whether by phone or in person and then schedule it.

Ask open-ended questions: Sometimes, simple questions — “How are you doing?” “What’s on your mind?” “How’s work been going?” — create the opening someone needs to share what they’re going through.

Offer examples if you are concerned. A check-in can be random, or it can be purposeful. If you think your friend is going through something difficult and noticing them exhibiting potential warning signs, gently offer them examples of what concerns you. For example:

• “I noticed you let your gym membership lapse. You love to work out. Are you OK? Is something going on?”
• “I wanted to check in with you because you seem sad and down on yourself lately, like when you said that you mess up everything and the world would be better off without you. How are you doing?”

Listen with an open mind. Let them talk. Do your best not to offer unsolicited advice, share your perspective or diagnose them. Be careful not to minimize, dismiss or explain away what they’re saying, and also be careful not to judge them, their family, friends or co-workers. Life can be messy, times can be tough and people can be disappointing. But none of those are your call to make. You’re there to offer support.

Connect them to resources. If you know of specialized support they could tap into — such as a mental health professional through MnFIRE, legal counselor, recovery center or advocacy organization — refer them.

Respect and set boundaries. If a co-worker or loved one doesn’t want to talk, that’s their decision. Let them know you are there if they change their mind.

Offer to help them. Think of ways you could support someone safely. For example, volunteer to babysit their children for an hour or two, drop off some groceries, research resources, or be available if they need to talk.

Follow up. It’s best to check in regularly with your loved ones and especially those who may be struggling at different times. Don’t assume they’ll reach out to you. People in hard times tend to withdraw and isolate themselves. And by checking in more, even during perceived good times, you can build trust and nurture your connection.

MnFIRE has your back

We encourage Minnesota firefighters and their family members to utilize no-cost confidential mental health resources through MnFIRE and the Hometown Heroes Assistance Program. Our helpline (888-784-6634) is available 24-hours a day – select option 1 for counseling visits and option 2 for peer support.

Sources

Ami Quebec, “Smiling Depression: An In-Depth.” Published Spring 2022.

Canadian Mental Health Association, “How to check in on a friend – the right way.” Accessed June 10, 2024.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “Social Connection.” Published March 27, 2024.

Cleveland Clinic, “The Truth About High-Functioning Depression.” Published May 17, 2024.

Hope for the Day, “Educational Material.” Accessed June 10, 2024.

Mayo Clinic, “Mental illness – Symptoms and causes.”

NAMI, “Five Warning Signs of Mental Illness that People Miss.” Published May 3, 2021.

The Jed Foundation, “Signs that a friend may be struggling.” Accessed June 10, 2024.

Published in partnership with MnFIRE partner, Optum

When it comes to mental health concerns, many people, including firefighters, can be reluctant to ask for support. Sometimes, it’s because they don’t realize they need help – or if they do, they’re unsure where to turn.

But oftentimes, long-held beliefs and stigma around mental health keep people from seeking support. Many people throughout the world are taught misinformation about mental health concerns, such as it goes away with time, it’s a private matter to keep within a family or previous generations had it harder so it’s unacceptable to complain.

You may have heard some of these perspectives from your family, community, culture, religion or fire service leaders, but they aren’t based in fact. Beliefs like these can cause real harm and make it harder for people to seek support or care for their mental health. Understanding where these messages come from – and challenging them – can help reduce stigma and create space for more open, supportive conversations.

Understanding mental health

Your mental health includes your emotional, psychological and social well-being. It affects how you think, feel and behave. When you feel mentally well, you are better equipped to get through tough times, manage stress, relate to others and make decisions in your best interest.

Mental health conditions are medical conditions that can arise from a mix of biological, psychological and social factors. Some people are born with a mental health condition. Some are predisposed to develop them. Some develop them from life experiences (like hormonal changes during puberty, pregnancy or aging), chronic stress and traumatic events. And some people experience situational mental health concerns as result of a difficult life event, such as a divorce, job loss or death of a loved one.

With the right support and resources, many people get through tough times, learn to manage chronic conditions and build resilience for the future. The more comfortable people become talking about mental health and sharing their support, the easier it is to ask for help and take steps to nurture their mental well-being.

Supporting mental health and well-being

Practicing self-care. Whatever life brings, it’s important to take care of your mental health and well-being – even if things are going well. Self-care practices like eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, being physically active and managing stress all contribute to your overall health and well-being. It helps when others in your household are also practicing healthy habits.

Recognizing when someone is struggling. People can be very good at hiding how they’re feeling and what they’re going through. But oftentimes, there are signs if they’re struggling. These include noticeable changes in behavior, appearance, mood or communication. For example, if a family member shows more irritability or anger, stops showing up to family dinner, gains or loses a lot of weight, stops grooming or begins talking about physical pains or sharing negative views or social posts, there may be more going on inside.

Checking in. It’s always a good idea to check in with loved ones. Sometimes, simple questions – “How are you doing?” “What’s on your mind?” “How’s work been going?” – create the opening someone needs to share what they’re going through.

In some cases, a less direct approach may work better. For example, if your uncle has withdrawn from the family and when you visit mentions physical pain or discomfort, that could be a sign of something else. Consider ways to start a conversation about mental health without saying it directly, such as: How are you feeling?” or “You mention you frequently have headaches – what do you think is causing them?”

Let them share. Then listen with an open mind. As you let them talk, stop yourself from offering advice or guessing at their problem. When they finish, offer to help them find support. This could involve spending more time with them, connecting them to resources or medical support, depending on their personality and situation.

Share your own experiences. Giving and receiving support is a natural part of caring for someone. Sharing your own experiences in these terms can help others feel more at ease and open to conversations about mental health. It can also be helpful to compare mental health to physical health – if you had a broken leg, would you just hope it heals on its own or seek treatment? Since it’s different for everyone, emotional pain is best addressed with care and consideration.

MnFIRE is here to help

The Minnesota Firefighter Initiative (MnFIRE) provides confidential mental health resources funded by the Hometown Heroes Assistance Program to help you prioritize and protect your health. Our helpline is available 24-hours a day at 888-784-6634 for all active Minnesota firefighters and their families – select option 1 for no-cost counseling visits and option 2 for peer support.

Sources

UNICEF. Busted: 7 myths about mental health.

American Psychiatric Association. Myths and facts about mental health. March 5, 2025.

HealthHub. Busting the myths of mental illness. Nov. 15, 2022.

HelpGuide.org. Racism and mental health. Jan. 16, 2025.

Mental Health America. BIPOC mental health myth-busting. Accessed April 18, 2025.

Mental Health America. Breaking down mental health stigma in BIPOC communities. Accessed April 18, 2025.

Mental Health Commission of Canada. Fact sheet: Common mental health myths and misconceptions. April 28, 2023.

Optum Well-being. Even your strong friends might need support. 2024.

Mental health conditions affect people of all ages, backgrounds and lifestyles in all kinds of ways. In fact, about one in five people globally live with a mental health condition. For firefighters, the rates are even higher than the general population – particularly in the areas of sleep disorders, depression, substance abuse, post-traumatic stress injury and suicidal ideation/action.

And too many of these firefighters are suffering in silence.

Mental health conditions are treatable illnesses. Yet, despite how common mental health concerns and conditions are, stigma persists. And most people don’t seek help.

Here are seven ways you can help stop stigma, so people feel safer and more comfortable getting the help they may need:

Be kind

A simple rule of thumb is to remember people are people, not conditions. Treating people with kindness and compassion can go a long way toward creating a welcoming, supportive environment.

Study the facts

There is a lot of bad information out there. Check your source before you repeat or repost a tidbit off the internet. It may not be accurate. Consider the motivation behind a dramatic portrayal on a TV show before assuming it’s credible. Educate yourself, so you can help set the record straight. It’s best to start with legitimate resources that are committed to raising awareness and mobilizing support for mental health. The World Health Organization is a great example. Learning about common conditions, like depression, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and others, will help you spread good information.

Be an ally

Encourage respect and dignity for all people. If you hear someone saying hurtful or false things about mental health concerns or conditions, politely speak up and address it.

Talk openly about mental health

Listen respectfully and invite open conversation about the importance of mental health and well-being. People should not feel ashamed or reluctant to get the benefit of professional help.

Foster understanding

Encourage yourself and those you influence to view mental health just as you would physical health. If, for example, a friend sprained an ankle or broke an arm, you would encourage them to seek medical attention. The same should be true for mental health conditions.

Share your own experience

If you have personal experience with mental illness, consider telling others about it. Sharing your story can foster understanding and provide perspective. The MnFIRE Peer Support program provides a confidential outlet for firefighters to share what they’re going through with someone who understands.

Get involved

Around the world, people are working hard to improve mental health care perceptions, systems and policies. There are many ways to show support. Make sure you post only accurate information on your social media. Drive a friend to a therapy appointment. Make your vote count in local elections. Donate time or money to an advocacy organization like MnFIRE. Every show of support helps normalize the conversation around mental health and wellness.

The emotional and disturbing calls we go on can stick with us – and it’s important to recognize how the stresses of the job can negatively impact our mental health. MnFIRE’s emotional wellness training can help your department de-stigmatize talking about mental health, as well as provide practical information around how to properly debrief after a difficult call, ways to maintain emotional well-being and what resources are available for those who need help.

Confidential peer support and mental health resources are available to Minnesota firefighters and their families for free through the MnFIRE Assistance Program. For more details or for help, call 888-784-6634 or visit mnfireinitiative.com/hhap/#MAP.

Repurposed from MnFIRE Assistance Program partner, Optum.

 

Sources

American Psychiatric Association, “Stigma, Prejudice and Discrimination Against People with Mental Illness.”
psychiatry.org/patients-families/stigma-and-discrimination Accessed July 17, 2023.

BetterHealth Channel, “Stigma, discrimination and mental illness.”
betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/servicesandsupport/stigma-discrimination-and-mental-illness#challenging-stigma-associated-with-mental-illness. Accessed July 17, 2023.

Mind, “Mental health problems – an introduction.”
mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/mental-health-problems-introduction/stigma-misconceptions/. Accessed July 17, 2023.

NAMI, “Pledge to be stigmafree.”
nami.org/Get-Involved/Pledge-to-Be-StigmaFree. Accessed July 17, 2023.