Published in partnership with MnFIRE partner, Optum

If someone asked you to describe the person you know best, who would it be? Could you easily outline their core values, strengths, dreams and fears? Could you explain what motivates them and why?

Many of us would think of a loved one or close friend. But how many of us know ourselves as well as we think we know others?

Self-discovery is essential to personal growth and mental well-being. When we fully understand ourselves, we feel better about ourselves. We can more easily get through life’s challenges and more readily take steps to grow into better versions of ourselves. Knowing ourselves also helps us be more compassionate and in tune with other people.

Let’s look at how this works and why it’s true.

Who are you?

A combination of factors shapes your self-identity, which is how you see yourself. These include your personality, abilities, appearance, interests, culture and more. It also includes the role you play in your close relationships and the larger community. When you feel uncertain about who you are, it can sometimes lead you to do things you don’t want to do or that aren’t in your best interest. It can also make it harder to appreciate your own value, purpose and potential.

In addition, if, like many people, you were raised to think, believe and act in certain ways, you might be going through life on autopilot, without questioning things. But asking yourself questions can help you clarify who you are and why you do what you do. These questions might confirm what you are already doing or lead you to make different decisions and plans for yourself.

By exploring your thoughts, feelings and values, you can better understand who you are, what matters most to you and why. This, in turn, can help you make better choices for yourself and for others. It can also help you see yourself and your actions more clearly, including from other perspectives.

Getting to know yourself takes time, patience and continued effort. It also takes being willing to see and tell yourself the truth.

Be honest with yourself

It’s important to consider your own perceptions and potential biases that shape how you think, feel and act. It’s natural to feel more comfortable with people who are most like you, to favor information that supports your existing beliefs and to hold onto assumptions. But just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it always serves you or others.

Getting to know ourselves includes uncovering the parts of us that may be uncomfortable to acknowledge. Once we know, we can work on changing the aspects that aren’t helpful or kind. We can also learn to accept ourselves as works in progress.

For example, research shows people have a tendency to overestimate their abilities, particularly when they’re not especially strong at something. On the other hand, people who do excel at something tend to underestimate their ability. The reality is, every person has strengths and weaknesses, and opportunities for continuous improvement. So, you may need to figure out if you tend to give yourself too much or too little credit.

There are many ways to uncover the difference, including looking back at some of your past successes and challenges, and reviewing them with a more balanced perspective. For instance, you might remember a teacher from your past as being especially hard on you and giving you low marks. But looking back more objectively, you realize you often turned in assignments late, asked for exceptions, or didn’t ask for help to better understand the assignment.

Ask for feedback

Another approach is to ask people you trust for feedback. You could ask them to share qualities they admire in you, as well as areas they think you might consider improving. You could also ask them for their take on experiences you remember strongly or have strong feelings about. For example, you might ask your sister how she remembers the argument you recently had with your parents. She may offer insights into the situation you didn’t consider or don’t remember, which could help you understand the impact of your own actions differently. And you might realize that these actions reflect patterns of behaviors that have influenced your relationships.

At the same time, it’s important to recognize that people are often reluctant to share feedback that could be seen as critical. Research suggests most people — whether close family, friends, managers or coworkers — are more likely to offer praise than suggestions for improvement. So, it’s a good idea to consider what they may not be saying, too, and to ask some follow-up questions.

Unpack your history

A key part of self-discovery can be understanding the past. Each of us has unique experiences that shape our thoughts, behaviors and perspectives. In some cases, these past experiences influence the internal voice that guides how we see ourselves and make decisions. Recognizing where that voice comes from and what shapes it can lead to understanding yourself better.

Understanding your past can also be helpful if you feel stuck. Challenges you face today may be connected to earlier experiences. Exploring what happened, how those experiences made you feel and how you reacted may bring insights to your present-day self and help you move forward.

Trying new experiences and meeting new people can help you see yourself and be treated in new ways. It may reinforce some of what you already know to be true about yourself, too. Along the way, you may learn something unexpected and delightful about yourself, interests and goals.

What to expect

The more we understand ourselves, the more self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-worth we gain. These qualities help us be kinder and gentler with ourselves, and more open to pursuing self-improvement. They also allow us to show greater compassion toward others, by helping us understand and remember everyone is on their own journey.

No-cost mental health support

Minnesota firefighters and their families can access no-cost confidential mental health resources through MnFIRE and the Hometown Heroes Assistance Program, including counseling visits and peer support. Call 888-784-6634 or click here to learn more and get help.

Sources

The British Psychological Society. How well do you know yourself? October 13, 2020.

Calm. How do I get to know myself better? 8 ways to find the true you. Accessed March 12, 2025.

Headspace. Strong identity | Take a step. Accessed March 12, 2025.

Health Assured. How to build a healthy self-identity. May 20, 2022.

Monash University. Building a powerful self-identity: Why it matters for adolescents. March 1, 2023.

Phoenix Rising Centers. 7 powerful self-discovery practices for better mental health. Accessed March 12, 2025.

PsychAlive. Finding yourself: A guide to finding your true self. Accessed March 12, 2025.

Queen’s University Belfast. The importance of self-discovery. Accessed March 12, 2025.